“From Stuck in Resistance to Embracing My Now: An Exploration of Life in the Storms of Cabin Fever”

As I sit outside in the chilly, late morning air of 39 degrees, this is the first day of sunshine in two weeks. The long, steep driveway has almost 4 feet of snow covering it, and even if we shoveled like animals and cleared it, the private road to town is unplowed and it would take a snowcat to get there.

I’m feeling frustrated, somewhat of a caged lion. So, I sat down to process and relieve these emotions and write in the Dharma Diaries. This is a section on my blog where I share my personal thoughts, and frailties and I bear my soul to the world.

I imagined my audience who reads my blog, maybe experience similar feelings that the winter blues can bring on. I despise being caged in and when I am, I feel like an angry lion. And these last few days, I’ve been feeling a huge sense of hopelessness. Incongruent for me, as it is not an emotion I understand.

I’m typically an optimist! But not today.

The thing is, I don’t like being cornered. And, snowshoes being my only option of transportation, feels, well claustrophobic.

I’m determined to change my mindset because, after all, I am a mindset coach and I realize it’s futile to play the victim.

And, in the same breath, resistance is what I chose for my path today.

Resistance to what is. I don’t like what’s happening, and I can’t do anything about it. This feels so powerless, unless, I change my mindset.

I have another thought: embrace a polarized view and fall in love with where I’m at right now.

I’m stuck. Snowbound. Cabin fever. It’s been two weeks of storm after storm and only two days before the next one comes. There is no way to get into my car and drive effortlessly out of my driveway with 3 feet of snow on it!

My spirit is restless. Have faith, I tell myself. Nothing lasts forever.

“Most souls talk about faith but fail to live by it. Why grope your way through life when all you have to do is stride firmly through it in faith and confidence, knowing that I AM with you.” Eileen Caddy

This still doesn’t change the fact that I’m wanting to see other humans and engage in conversation. Maybe even go to town to buy groceries for the next storm that is already on its way.

When I relocated here last August, I never fathomed that I would be snowed in for long periods of time. I knew my mountain home was remote, but I had no idea that the snowfall would be of such epic proportions, creating a ‘snowbound’ situation. What a crazy surprise it was to find myself in this position.

“Isn’t this perfect,?” I asked myself. Another opportunity to face the ‘unknown’ and find a way to cope with the uncertainty of it all.

“Wait a minute,” I said, I have tools to deal with this ‘uncertainty’ but this time I wanted things to happen my way, and now.

And they weren’t. I couldn’t control anything but my own mind.

Now, it gets funny…

My first idea this morning was to come up with a plan on how can I get myself free.

Can somebody help me with a snow plow? The next thought I had was “boy Shelley, you’re sure restless and forcing this issue. Can you not just settle in and let be what is?” I told myself…

“Everything is possible. The im~possible just takes longer.” Dan Brown

As I leaned into the resistance I was feeling about being stuck at home, a calmness finally came over me with a soft voice saying “what if this is all there is?” What if you took one moment at a time and allowed the gift of the present moment to flow into the next moment?

What if you stopped trying to force a solution and instead, flowed with the seemingly impossible situation and allowed it to unfold effortlessly?

At that moment I surrendered. I knew my feelings of frustration were futile. I started to remember that everything works out for good. The universe has a plan and divine law always rules.

So it’s best if I simply stop resisting. Maybe I could just be.

I asked myself “what are the lessons trying to show up here in this nasty field of resistance that I am experiencing right now?”

Well, I could fall in love with my situation, or at least accept where I AM.

I could feel joy again.

I could trust that help is on the way.

“Instead of trying to skip to tomorrow’s certainty, trust the uncertainty of today. Instead of rushing towards the answer in the next scene, trust this creative scene of ‘no answers yet’. Jeff Foster

I could believe that if I hang on, and stop resisting, life will work itself out sooner than later.

This difficult moment is here because it’s teaching me something.

This is another chance to persevere in the face of adversity.

Even if this lesson is to surrender just one more time, that is enough.

I remind myself there is a spiritual warrior inside me ready to rise above the resistance plaguing my energy.

Even my morning prayers and poems that I read shortly after waking reminded me of this.

We are never far from an answer.

We are protected and never alone, even when it feels like it.

And most importantly, change is always happening, bringing forth the next perfect moment.

With love and hope in our hearts, miracles can happen, as long as we are open and offer a little willingness.

Trust, have Faith, and then let it go.

“Most souls talk about faith but fail to live by it. Why grope your way through life when all you have to do is stride firmly through it in faith and confidence, knowing that I AM with you.” Eileen Caddy

The first step to accepting what is, is to become aware of the resistance you are feeling. Recognize that you are struggling against what is happening and that this struggle is creating resistance within you. (this awareness is the key to one’s happiness)

Once you acknowledge this beast of resistance, you can start to move forward in accepting what is — allowing yourself to move towards a place of peace, acceptance, and allowing.

Resistance can be tricky because it seldom looks the same way twice. It’s devious and teases you, trying to convince you that there is a purpose to it all. And that my friend, is where the treasure lies.

“Do not distance yourself from life and those around you. Reach out. Ask for help or support if you have need. A trouble shared is a burden halved. Now is not the time to withdraw and be alone.” Ravynne Phelan

As another storm rolls in, I am grateful that I was able to get out to the grocery store today ~ and wait, to see what tomorrow brings.

As always, lots of love,

Peace and Blessings my friends,

Shelley Marenka

Thanks for reading my messages of the heart, sharing them if you like, and making them part of your day!

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