The Faith Walk
God, love, and family are the most treasured and valued pieces of my life. These three things I know.
I’m also aware that when one door closes on a chapter of our life, another one will surely open. Sometimes immediately, sometimes eventually. But always, there is another door, window, or path waiting for us. If we are not looking for it, or having an awareness about ourselves, we can miss it all together. As I prepare for my big move, working towards minimalism, the impact of it all is hitting me like a tsunami. This chapter of my life has been closed, and I am unsure of where the next opening is. So, allowing life to unfold one omen at a time is what I call the faith walk. Life is a dance…and all it requires is taking the next best step.
I am about to leave my life as I've known it, for almost 9 years now. Here in the forest and beautiful mountain meadows of Murphy's. It's been a place to recover and restore my soul following a painful and long process of divorce and healing. The reality of my move is so real now; seeping into my bones with every box, each memento, and family picture that I pack. This life with all its beauty and precious memories is soon to be behind me.
A new chapter of hopes and dreams is about to commence. It's God's power full divine calling. And right now, it doesn't feel so good.
In the moments of sorting and packing up family memories and belongings, I am finding it difficult to separate the sorrow that I feel. I am engulfed with the loss of my mom, and my beloved sister Shannon, the letting go of Jazz, my loving Siamese cat, along with leaving my home with all of the beautiful loving memories of friends and family.
And what about my divorce that still often feels like a recent death on many days because the reminders never leave me. My heart’s desire for family is so strong. ♥️
With every picture I so carefully remove from the wall, more tears flow with each memory. I wish i could see the gifts and blessings in all of this right now- The ones that God promises us-
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” —Jeremiah 29:11
But in the moment- I can not. I feel only loss, uncertainty, sadness. Letting go is painful.
I want to connect the dots moving forward, but I can not see anything. I just feel.
I remind myself of this truthful quote from Henry David Thoreau-
"What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us."
God can refine us like no one else, but first, we have to surrender. As I am wrestling with struggle and surrender I ask, where are you calling me? Why do you ask this of me? To walk alone in this most ️heart-wrenching season in my life? Do you have no mercy, God? It’s one thing if it was my choice. But it is not my choice for all of life to come crashing down at once.
Where does the heart rest when it is broken open as wide as the Red Sea? God instructs us to forge ahead, but it looks so scary to cross. He says "Trust me" there is the promised land, just on the other side. Go!
Oh faith! I curse you and thank you at the same time for every step...
Sometimes we just want the waves to crash down and take us out right where we are standing. But if we choose to obey, and follow God’s lead, we will make it across to the other side, to the land of milk and honey, full-filled promises, and a brighter future.
Lessons Learning: Don' die with your music in you. Follow your heart with courage, hope, faith, and grit, and take those steps to play your music full out with no regrets.
“In leaps and bounds, she grew her wings on the way down”…
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
