The Hidden Pain Of Following Your Intuition
Greetings Warrior Women,
Today I crashed and burned and I'm really trying to not give up…
When hope meets struggle and you're pretty much living out of your car, life can feel futile.
Today seemed to be the serendipitous time to write this post because I discovered that I’ve been holding back the truth. I apologize. I want you all to know who I really am. Authentic relating....you know? I never learned this art before, and I am trying it out right now. It’s really called ‘vulnerability’ if you ask me and it’s not an easy way to communicate.
Have you ever pondered this thought.....many people know you, but who really knows you? Who, if anyone, do you truly share your truth with?
As I've struggled these past several weeks that have felt like months (and years from a divorce, 3 family deaths, empty nest syndrome, unfulfilled relationships, and caregiving for my parents) trying to get settled here in Boulder, Colorado, it has been a huge struggle! And, I've been hiding these feelings of frustration, desperation, and disappointment while spreading posts of positivity and change to you all.
I realized today that all along it may have been beneficial for me to share this HARD journey with you. Not so you could follow my day to day stuff, but that you can learn along with me! You see, I believe we all struggle, we hide, we keep to ourselves because it hurts when hope is lost. We just want to hide and hope we wake up later to a new reality.
The truth of the matter is, is that transition into transformation is damn hard!
The journey is NOT always full of rocky slopes, but when it is, sometimes you just feel like falling like I did today.
Many women in my Facebook group (Women Wanting More) have followed my travels, traumas, and triumphs over the past two years as I traveled to Italy twice and to so many other wonderful places. These were amazing experiences as I followed my heart and my dreams. This is a great part of transition...we get to choose which direction we are going in (sometimes) and we become "transformed" along the way.
I don't know why I am feeling as if rocks are falling from the sky right now, but I do know this. It will change.
Nothing stays the same for too long. No emotion will last forever. So, I leave you with this.
What you seek is seeking you. The pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them. And when the world pushes you to your knees, it's a good time to pray.
We are all becoming.....more......something different...
xoxoox The ComeBack Queen Rises again
THERE IS MORE TO THE STORY……
You’ve got big hopes. Your dreams are rising from the ashes. You’re doing the inner work and believing that everything is always working out for you- for good. But the truth is, that is not what is happening (or at least it feels that way).
You tell yourself that you’re trying so hard to make things happen, perhaps this is my first mistake-trying too hard. It’s MORE important to do your part and then let God and the universe orchestrate it all to fall into place. So you question. Maybe you made the wrong decision?
Maybe you’re supposed to be doing something else?
Maybe you should just talk yourself out of it. Just tell yourself that it’s time to quit. You’re done. You are exhausted from trying.
What you seek is seeking you. Rumi
You begin to look at all the times you’ve failed, taken a deep breath, and gotten back up. So you push forward once again, believing in those dreams and with persistence; you’re certain it will happen if you just forge ahead and keep your “eye on the prize”. Then you fall down again. HARD. This time getting back up is taking everything you’ve got. The mountain you are climbing keeps pushing back with all these false summits and you ask yourself “will I ever reach the top?”
You question your story, that book you want to write, the desire to create more meaningful work and meaningful relationships. You question your desire to RISE up and write a new chapter in YOUR book of life, to create something different, something more. Is it worth all the suffering, growth, resistance, and discomfort?
These pains you feel are messengers. listen to them. Rumi
All I know at this moment to be true is this: all of this is real for me right now, right here in Boulder, Colorado.
I am somewhere between giving up and seeing how much more I can take. My search to find a quiet, cozy furnished place to rest my body for a few months, write, be still, play with my daughter, meet new friends, and explore this amazing community is taking everything I’ve got. It’s just not showing up for me. I question my decision to come here and am engulfed in indecision. What do I need to do that I am not doing to make life flow in this time and space?
This long journey of soul seeking and spiritual awakening I’m on has pushed me to my limits many times now over the last two years. Each time I lose hope it feels like I’m lost. That I’m walking the wrong path. It’s like I missed a turn somewhere. Perhaps I should have stopped when it was comfortable and felt easy. But then again, easy has not been part of this journey. So what’s next? I actually don’t’ know.
It must be time for silence and solitude. Time to wait, patiently. Time to make the best of my situation. Accept my discomfort, moving from place to place, and see what the lessons are in this.
Sometimes it’s simply time to listen and learn from the lessons. And clarity! That’s it. We’ve got to get clear about what we want and have a roadmap to get there. It feels like I’ve already done that countless times, but it must be time again to do that. I’m really trying to not give up right now. What about you?
When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray.
I LOVE what God says about all of this. In times of trouble (and JOY) I hang on to every word from Him…His wisdom and timing are all we ever need. I just need to keep reminding myself of this.
Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go. Deuteronomy 31:6,8 Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.
What do you do when you want to give up?
PS May I ask you a question? Are you one of us? A woman who’s ever felt like she’s played small in her life, or given up her voice and personal power? A woman going through a transition and is ready for a powerful transformation in your life that offers you something MORE, something different, something better?
Learn what it REALLY takes to step into your transformation feeling supported, and join my private FB group-
CLICK HERE: Women Wanting MORE. I would be honored to have you join us.
