Shelley's Dharma Diaries
December 15th, 2022
~ Loving What Is
Oh boy! Little did I know that when I posted the above title for the next post that it would truly be what I am feeling at this exact moment!
Right now, I am doing my absolute best to ‘love what is’ right here and to be truthful, I am not happy with myself.
It has taken me 4 days and 12 hours of procrastination to sit down and fulfill my promise to you when I said that the next post on the Dharma series will be Thursday.
Here I am, at 10:08 pm, propped up in my padded blue rocking chair, with a support pillow behind my low back, feeling the heat from my cozy fireplace. I’m feeling excited to write, and I am also pissed at myself for waiting until the 11th hour.
It’s no use asking myself why I waited until the last minute to execute this task. This is a very familiar habit; thinking I’ll get to it, and then….everything else possible gets in the way.
It’s called resistance and I know it well. Even my shamanic wisdom teacher asked me point blank during a conversation this morning with him, “what are you resisting Shelley?” My answer was, gosh, I am not aware of anything right now. So, after a little digging, I realized that there is this push/pull about men, about being open to a new relationship. (that discussion is for another time)
There are 2 reasons why I personally struggle with this continuing pattern of resistance and procrastination.
I am not honoring promises to myself or engaging in my highest good to fulfill my highest potential.
Sometimes, it comes down to me failing on my promise to others, and that’s a BIG ouch. (Hence, why I am writing this as promised, no matter how late the hour!)
I have a hundred excuses right now…..it’s Christmas season and I’ve been tending to my daily life, while all the little additional things like mailing little gifts to my customers and clients, licking sticky envelopes on greeting cards, doing due diligence with my morning habits like reading, writing (oh, I do lots of that), meditation, reflection, and the list goes on.
Steven Pressfield (omg I love his writing so much!) writes on the topic of resistance in his book “the WAR of ART.” He said, and I quote
“We’re facing dragons too. Fire breathing griffins of the soul, whom we must outfight and outwit to reach the treasure of our self-in- potential and to release the maiden who is God’s plan and destiny for ourselves and the answer to why we were put on this planet.”
Actually, I’ve been writing a lot and I thought “oh, I can just use one of those posts, articles, or prose for my Dharma post. Not.
If I did that, I wouldn’t be living up to my promise of what the Dharma Diaries are all about.
It’s not going to serve anyone to share the news from last week when something different is happening right now. (well maybe, but that’s not the point of this series)
The Dharma Diaries are about the current moment, and what’s happening in my life that I can share with you so we can grow together.
Whatever the challenge I’m working with, you’ll know about it.
I’m going to share what I’m learning on the daily and whatever happens that feels newsworthy and has value for you.
Growth will never cease as long as we lean in and do the work.
We’re here together to grow and learn, trust and lean in.
Daily inspiration is love in action. We must continue to practice using our imagination and be inspired and creative so we don’t grow old and weary.
In earlier posts, I shared with you that one of the reasons I am writing this series is to become better at exercising transparency and vulnerability.
This kind of work requires courage and presence in the moment. When one is being truthful, it can be painstakingly hard!
We all have been confronted with uncomfortable situations at one time or another when we shared our truth and then got slammed for it.
No wonder truthtelling can be so hard.
Dharma is the truth. What is the truth at the moment for you?
Just take a pause, be gentle with yourself and ask '“what is present for me at this moment that is true?”
Go a little deeper. See if you can feel it in your body. Where is it? Maybe it has a color. Can you simply be with it, feel it, and love it?
Dharma is our purpose. It’s why we are here on this earth. Every day it can change because our purpose is what we are doing at the moment.
It’s using the gifts that we were born with. We came here on earth to use them.
If you’re not using your gifts don’t worry. Perhaps you can take some time, get your journal out and reflect on all those things that you love to do, or have enjoyed doing in the past.
The one thing I have preached forever and ever over the years and decades is this:
Everyone has unique, special talents and gifts and only you have these. No one else can do it like you.
They may do something similar, but it will never be the way you can do it.
When you’re doing what you love, using your gifts, it feels right and your happiness is elevated because you are doing what you love, and what you’re good at.
Circling back around to loving what is, I choose to accept this habit of mine (loving what is) around procrastination. It’s serving me in some way.
All of your habits are serving you in some way. And until you don’t need them anymore, they are hanging around, like a best friend.
I’ve gotten really good at putting things off and until I am supposed to be doing it differently, it won’t happen.
I am learning to give myself compassion for what is and embrace acceptance.
Because what we resist persists.
It won’t do me any good to fight it. So, I lean into it a little more deeply, with love and I know that I can do better tomorrow.
So, you see? I still fulfilled my promise by the deadline, and by doing it this late in the evening, I am only hurting myself.
My eyes don’t like looking at screens 2 hours before bedtime. I’m going to remember this night.
And I am making a promise to myself, that I won’t make promises that I don’t think I can keep ~ I’ll leave it open. I can do this because I am the one in control of my life.
And that brings me to the next thing on the ladder.
Commitment and keeping my word.
These two things are SO VIP to me and they can be fricken hard because I am someone who is adventurous and loves operating from the seat of my pants. So when I am working on a habit that feels somewhat restricting, it’s even more difficult to do.
This is where ‘loving what is’ comes around again.
It’s ok to not be perfect. After all, we are only human.
Until next week, keep loving yourself MORE (with a little more compassion)
Much love, peace, and blessings,
Shelley
PS “Your dreams have been placed on your heart for a reason. Go after them.” sm
Daily inspiration is love in action. Let’s share the love.
PSS If you enjoyed this post, please share it on FB or Instagram and tag me @smarenkainspiredliving.
After recently closing my private FB group with over 1700 beautiful women in it, I’ve been contemplating ways that we could continue to connect and inspire one another.
So I’ve come up with one solution for the time being.
Introducing the Dharma Diaries
I’m really excited to begin sharing my life with you thru this series. The meaning of Dharma, that I’ll be writing about, in this case, means an aspect of truth or reality…
Reflections of sorts inspire your mind and spirit and help us all think and feel differently in a way that serves our highest good.
My intention is to post weekly, but I may write more often when I’m inspired, or less often.
As you read the words I compose, I hope they will help you feel less alone in your life’s experiences, lift your wings up a wee bit and move your soul.
Let’s move forward together in this life while we are learning and growing.
You may be insights that help you walk your journey a little easier, with more love, openness, grace, and adventure.
But it will always be the real me. Just as I am.
Each new post will have a date above it and all posts will be in this thread so you can find them easily. As I work with a blogger consult it’s my hope to organize my writings so you can always find the most current ones with ease.
Life is always a work in progress just like this blog, so be sure to give me and yourself some grace too! Thank you.
Why Am I Starting The Dharma Diaries?
Before closing my private women’s FB group, I shared with my audience that over the last 23 months I wasn’t exactly transparent and forthcoming with what was really going on in my life. I regret that now. It could have been a learning experience for all of us if I had continued to share my day-to-day realities with you.
We could have supported each other as women often do. You and I are nurturers, life-givers, loving providers, sisters, mamas, daughters, and grandmothers.
So many of you shared how inspired you were as I posted my solo travel experiences, healing journey, and all the crazy adventures.
You revealed that you too were learning along with me how to grow out of your comfort zone to become more and find true healing, happiness, and fulfillment.
But then I stopped.
I listened to my heart because it always tells me the truth, while my ego mind was saying different things like, oh come on, carry on.
A major obstacle to my communication was that I became very ill. Leaving the world behind, I went into isolation.
Depression hit me. Loneliness frightened me. They both stayed a long while.
The overwhelming darkness came and stole away my light. Another dark night of the soul was upon me. My deepest one yet.
And then, there came a final moment when I no longer wanted to go on. I thought life would be easier if I just let go of it.
Fast Forward
It took months and years of excavation and recalibration to get back to a new ground zero where I could find my path again.
Those years included 90 days of solo travel and exploration abroad, countless months of caregiving for my parents, living a year in Boulder, Co to heal my trauma, spending 10 days at a silent monastic retreat in Big Sur, followed by exactly 23 months of living life as a 90 Day Rental, living out of my car, and never knowing exactly where I would land next.
Life was hard, it was beautiful, it was grueling, it was forgiving, and very often frighteningly painful.
It was also the catalyst for my spiritual awakening, freedom for my soul, and enlightenment of my consciousness,
A triumphant transformation occurred, embraced with humility, challenges, and adventure on my way back home to the center, where it all began.
I found my true purpose and my joy. I discovered the meaning of life.
Good health and happiness were restored leaving me forever healed and transformed.
Life has new meaning because of the journey I went on to do the inner work.
Coming home to oneself can feel like you’ve been in a rock tumbler that will make you nice and shiny when you come out.
This new phase of life (over 50, aka the 2nd mountain or the other half of life) had to be precluded by my own awakening.
Playing small never felt right because I knew that we are all designed to live as our unique selves in all our greatness.
Now, that that part is behind me, I’m ready to begin again, writing and sharing prose, nonsense, and all the juiciness of life with the world!
What about you my friend?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments, from the rooftops, and in my email box. (shelleymarenka@gmail.com)
You matter to me.
I imagine it’s another chapter for all of us in one way or another.
This isn’t the end. It is a new beginning.
“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer ... Joseph Campbell
Wow! There’s a lot in those words by Joseph. Let’s bring our meaning to life as we walk together, holding hands with the collective divine feminine and masculine energy.
So, here we are. Together, for our collective healing, learning, and continued growth and transformation.
November 15, 2022, First Post ~ Yeh!
So, today’s post is a little history that takes us back to where it all began. (this way it will make more sense to you)
I hope you frequent my blog often, share it with your friends and comment about your life and what’s going on.
Tell us how we can support you.
Maybe you’ll share what you are learning along with the rest of us and speak your own inspiring voice. All for love,
Let’s play catch up! This is where my heroine’s journey began…
It was three and a half years ago, in the spring of 2019 that I decided to take the big leap and hit the reset button on my life. I moved out of my home, let go of almost everything I owned, (and yes, there was a lot of stuff) and packed two very heavy suitcases, and bought myself a one-way ticket to Italy.
My reputation was growing as a wanderer, a minimalist, and a soul seeker.
Destination, TBD. Desire? ~ BIG healing soulful adventure!
My heart was longing for mercy, free of any more heartbreak. I had lost 3 members of my family in 18 months.
Six months prior to my entire world falling apart. I had gotten ‘the call’ the one where your inner voice says it’s time for a change, a BIG change!
It was too scary to indulge at the time, so I ignored it. But as situations and circumstances became even more tragic and devastating, I desperately wanted to escape my reality and I was ready to let life lead me into unknown territory.
It was time for a free fall.
The years that followed became what is known, by Joseph Campbell, as a heroine’s journey …and each step brought me closer to healing, recovery from loss and grief, and loving myself more. I was pulled into my spiritual journey almost immediately, and this is how I was able to trust, live by faith, and continue to fall into the darkness, and eventually off the edge.
“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
Joseph Campbell was an American Author, and teacher, best known for his book “The Hero With A Thousand Faces.” He coined the term ‘the hero’s journey as something like this: a protagonist takes off on an adventure, faces a crisis, stumbles along a path filled with obstacles and turmoil, and finally wins, returning home triumphant.
I had known for a long while that God was calling me to a higher purpose, but I never knew it would include this heroine’s journey! This is exactly what that higher purpose would become.
One must step out onto the edge and leave behind what he knows in order for something new to be created.
Lots of love, Shelley
What is life calling you to do?
PS Like this post? Read more on Medium > Shelley’s Medium Platform
